FlixChatter Review: G.I. Joe Retaliation

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Well I believe I know why Paramount decided to delay the release of this film from last June to March of this year. Their excuse was that they wanted to add 3D effects to the film but rumors were all over the internet that they also wanted to beef up Channing Tatum’s role. Those excuses were credible but I think the real reason why they delayed it from a Summer release to Spring is because the film is pretty bad. I’m assuming some executives high up in the food chain saw it and realized they have a turkey on their hands and didn’t want to spend more money promoting it in the busy and competitive Summer movie season.

The film picks up right where the first one ended, if you remember Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) who masqueraded as the US President, is still in charge of the White House, while the real President (Jonathan Pryce) is being kept captive at a secret place. Duke (Channing Tatum) is now the captain of the elite squad G.I. Joe. His second in command is Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), a new addition to the franchise. As the film begins, the Joe team is being tasked by the President to retrieve a nuclear bomb from a terrorist group somewhere in Afghanistan. They succeeded but later the entire Joe team got ambush and only a few of them survived. I’m not gonna go into more details about the plot and to be honest, who really cares right? You go into this kind of film for the action, not the plot. Also, returning to the franchise are fans favorite Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and his nemesis Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee). There’s a subplot that involves Storm Shadow and Zartan that didn’t make a lick of sense, but again who cares.

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Not returning to the franchise is director Stephen Sommers, stepping in behind the cameras this time is Jon Chu, whose previous films were Step Up 2 and 3 and he also directed a bunch of music videos. Upon landing the directing gig for this film, Chu said he wanted to make sequel more realistic and grounded. Well I guess he achieved that, but unfortunately it didn’t work for the film. I thought by making the movie more *realistic,* it took away all the fun and it bored me to death. Seriously, for an action picture, the film just dragged on and on and on. The action scenes weren’t exciting or original. In the first film, the action scenes were over-the-top but at least those sequences were fun to watch. Chu also doesn’t know how to build up tension, it seemed the action just happens for no reason than to include the action, maybe he thought people would get bored if he doesn’t pepper the film with fight/shoot-out scenes.

Then there’s the 3D, wow seriously this was probably the worst 3D conversion I’ve seen so far and trust me I’ve seen a lot of bad ones. If you really want to see this movie, I highly recommend you see it in 2D. The film has a ton of action and fast movements so it’ll give you a headache if you see it in 3D. I think the only sequence that worked in 3D was the scene where Snake Eyes and his side kick battles a bunch of ninjas on the mountains. Other than that scene, there’s no reason for this film to be shown in that format.

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You’re probably wondering why I haven’t mention Bruce Willis yet. Well to be honest, I don’t why he even agreed to star in the film. He didn’t have much to do nor appear on screen that long. I guess Mr. McClane will accept any role they offer him these days [shrug]

It’s only March but I’m quite sure G.I. Joe: Retaliation will make it to my top WORST film of the year. My recommendation is to save your money and maybe rent it if you’re feeling bored on some weekend. Or better yet, wait ’til it airs on TV so you don’t even have to pay for it.

– Review by Ted S.

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1 out of 5 reels

Well, did you see the movie? What did you think?

51 thoughts on “FlixChatter Review: G.I. Joe Retaliation

  1. My review goes up tomorrow and it will be a little kinder than yours me thinks. That doesn’t me I loved it by any means but I got more out of it than from the first film. As for the 3D I quite liked it. I’m constantly railing on 3D but found it pretty decent here. Then again, I wouldn’t mind if they did away with the technology all together.

    1. Ted S.

      I’ll remember to check out your review Keith. You know I think sometimes the 3D works better at another theater than some, this theater has always been awful every time I go see a 3D film there. I agree the filmmakers needs to either shoot films in native 3D or don’t add the effects at all.

  2. jackdeth72

    Hi, Ted and company:

    So, what you are saying is that all ‘G.I. Joe: Retaliation’ is missing is a plot, structure, story and a viable reason for existence?

    Sounds more and more like a Michael Bay fiasco every minute. 😉

  3. Ted S.

    That’s exactly Jack, LOL. At least some of Michael Bay’s films were entertaining, this one was just dreadful to sit through.

    1. Ted S.

      It’s not worth it Brittani, he didn’t have that much to do but kick butts and shoot machine guns which he’s really good at, but his character is pretty boring.

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    1. Ted S.

      Thanks Terry, yeah don’t waste your time or money on it, I went to a press screening for free, if I had to pay to see it then I’d be pissed.

  5. This is an alright movie that offers you something that the last movie lacked such as action, adventure, comedy, and a story that makes sense in its own way. Solid review Ruth.

  6. a very detail review for a one star movie.
    I have grown tired with this kind of movie and will let this one pass by and be forgoten even before reading your review 😉

    1. Ted S.

      Probably the best way to go, just wail till next year when it airs on cable network and you can watch it for free, lol.

    1. Ted S.

      Thanks Eric. Yup the 3D effects were pretty bad, I actually had to take off my 3D glasses a couple of times during the movie because I got a headache from them.

  7. I won’t defend the film — I haven’t seen it and everybody who has has been bashing it — but I’m not sure it was delayed just to save money on marketing. At the time it was pushed back, it had already been getting the summertime promotion — not just general internet buzz, but posters, trailers, the whole nine yards. That’s what made it so surprising when it was pushed back; they essentially threw away a lot of money in promoting something and then changing their minds. Made it all quite a gamble.

    Doesn’t sound like it will have helped though. Perhaps they should have spent that money on a massive script rewrite?

    1. Ted S.

      Yeah I remember the marketing push they had for this film last spring, heck I was a bit excited to see it since the first film was so bad. But apparently after a few test screenings that went pretty bad, the big wigs at the studio decided to pull the plug on a June release date. It’s a good move, a spring release means no big competitions. I’m sure if they stuck with the June release date, the film would’ve performed well in the first weekend but probably won’t have any staying power with so many big films opening every weekend.

      Yeah, should’ve hired better writers and capable director. Jon Chu must’ve kissed a lot of asses to have landed this gig.

    1. Ted S.

      I think with a capable filmmaker, it might work as a “serious/realistic” take on the franchise, but clearly Chu doesn’t have that talent.

  8. Yep, Ted. I was disappointed in how this film chose to focus on so much that was bad and left the stuff that had potential out of focus. Very little Joe, very little Cobra Commander…and what were they thinking with Destro???

    Disappointed even after going in with low expectations. It’s saying something when some of the better parts of a film are the parts with Channing Tatum in them.

    Great review! Agree wholeheartedly

    1. Ted S.

      I know, I remember watching the cartoon back in grade school and I loved the Cobra, it’s cool that they finally gave him the correct mask but then he disappeared for most of the movie. I don’t remember much about Destro but he was second in command to Cobra correct?

      Apparently another sequel has been green lighted, I hope they hire a descent director and writers to fix this franchise. I highly doubt it though.

  9. Wow I was hoping this would be some kind of improvement over the atrocious first movie. I might give it a quick rent when it hits on DVD just to see for myself… 😦

    1. Ted S.

      Unfortunately it’s as bad as the first one, at least the first film kept my attention with its non-stop chaos, this one just bored me to death.

        1. Ted S.

          I’m assuming you’re referring to the Red Dawn remake? I decided to skip that one, didn’t want to waste my time. I enjoyed the 1984 original version but that one knew it was cheesy and never pretend to be anything more than that. The remake on the other hand, looks to be all serious and no fun. Besides I just can’t buy a bunch of Kens and Barbies running around with machine guns killing trained soldiers, LOL.

  10. Although this is far from the worst movie I’ve seen this year, I wasn’t a fan of it. Like you mention, the 3D didn’t work at all..action sequences need to be slower in the format in order for your eyes to focus, which they didn’t do. The storyline with the ninjas didn’t really fit in either, so overall a disappointment even though I’m normally someone who can enjoy “stupid action movies”.

    1. Ted S.

      That’s the thing, I love stupid actions films, I still watch the old Stallone, Norris, Seagal, Arnold and Van Damme films. But this one was just so dumb and the action scenes were so boring that I just couldn’t give it a pass as stupid fun film; I didn’t have fun watching it at all.

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