In *honor* of Hollywood ‘dump months’ – 6 films that are excruciating to sit through

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So now that all of the holidays and prestige films have been released, Hollywood will dump films that they’re not too proud of in the months of January and February. In fact, the term ‘dump months’ is an unofficial term used in the film community for the period of the year when there are lowered commercial and critical expectations for new major-studio releases. [per Wiki]

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Let’s face it, most of the films coming out in the cold winter months aren’t going to win any awards or earn big money at the box office. With the exception of the new Jack Ryan film, I don’t plan to waste my money on any of them this winter, I’m looking at you The Legend of Hercules; I, Frankenstein, and the Robocop remake. Seriously those films just look awful to me, what happened to the careers of Renny Harlin and Aaron Eckhart anyway? I loved the original Robocop but the remake just look ridiculous and since the studio decided to moved it out of the prime summer release, I just don’t have much hope for it.

With so many bad looking films coming out in the next few weeks, I thought I should list some of the films that were excruciating to sit through, unfortunately some of these films were box office hits but thankfully many of them were duds. In no particular order, here they are:

The Waterboy (1998)

This was one of WaterboyPosterthe biggest box office hits of 1998 and that’s unfortunate because it’s such an awful movie. I used to be an Adam Sandler fan, really enjoyed Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison and The Wedding Singer, so of course I looked forward to seeing this one. But wow only about 20 minutes into the movie, I wanted to walk out. I didn’t crack a smile the entire time I sat in the theater, I just couldn’t believe that any studio executives thought this was a good idea to turn such an awful script into a movie. The movie was pretty mean-spirited, witless and worst of all, not funny at all.

Bad Boys 2 (2003)

BadBoys2PosterI enjoyed the silly first film but I didn’t think it deserves a sequel. The only reason why this film ever happened was because Will Smith was in a slump at the box office at the time and of course he needed a hit. I know there are people who’ll defend this film and said it’s a perfect example of Michael Bay at his best, but is that really a good thing? Now I’m one of those people who loves action films but this two and half hours of mayhem just wasn’t fun to sit through. When I go see movies like this, I expect to have fun and be transport to another world; not in this one. It took itself way too seriously and the bickering between the two leads just felt forced to me.

Apparently Sony is moving forward with a third film and I can only pray that Smith won’t come back and star in it. But he’s in another box office slump so I won’t surprise if he agrees star in another sequel.

Rollerball remake (2002)

RollerballRemakeIt’s one of the biggest box office bombs ever and it deserves it. I’ve never seen the original version but when it’s announced that John McTiernan and Keanu Reeves has signed up to do a remake, I was actually excited to see it. Well a couple of months before the cameras started rolling, Reeves decided to back out and the filmmakers has to scramble to find his replacement.

They cast Reeves lookalike Chris Klein (probably the worst actor I’ve ever seen) and somehow McTiernan still was able to keep the film’s bloated budget of $90mil. The film was scheduled to come out in the summer of 2001 but after some bad test screenings, they couldn’t even convince Harry Knowles from Ain’t It Cool News to write a good review for the film, the studio decided to dump it in the winter of 2002. There were so many things wrong with this film, from the awfully shot and direction to the badly-written script and of course the lead actor was a joke. Seriously this was directed by the same guy who made two of my favorite action films, Die Hard and The Hunt For Red October, I wonder if McTiernan was high while filming this movie. Please don’t waste your time or money on this turd.

 

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

Transformers3PosterAnother Michael Bay’s film on the list and this one also made a ton of money. I mildly enjoyed the first film, the second one was junk but I thought this one was just a pain to sit through. They somehow decided to focus on the human characters instead of The Transformers, I wanted to the evil robots to kill everyone human in this movie. Seriously every characters in the film were so annoying, especially the hero Shia LaBeouf, I wanted the bad Transformers to crush his skull and shut him up. All he did throughout the film was whining and yelling. Yeah I really hated this movie. I won’t be wasting my time and money on the fourth film that’s opening this summer.

Godzilla remake (1998)

GodzillaRemake1998This film should be consider one of the most hyped up films ever. I remember after the awesome Super Bowl teaser trailer, the promotions for this film were everywhere. Internet was still new at the time so most of the marketing were used in traditional print ads: billboards, large digital displays and the non-stop TV spots. I got even more excited to see it after they released a full trailer, I thought it’s going to be one of the biggest hits ever and my favorite movie of that summer. Boy was I wrong on both fronts, the actual film was awful and it became one of the biggest bombs of the 90s. I seriously wanted to walk out about half way through but my friends were having a good time and I didn’t want to be rude. Also one of them drove so had I left the theater, I would’ve to wait outside till the movie’s over.

The film was full of clichéd characters and plot, the acting was awful and Godzilla looked silly. I actually bought a cheap blu-ray of this film last year, hoping that I was too harsh on it and maybe I might enjoy it since I haven’t seen it in over 10 years. Boy I was wrong again, I turned it off after 20 minutes and sold the BD at the pawn shop the next day.

Of course another remake is opening this summer but I don’t think it’s going to make a dent at the box office. The cool trailer was shown when I went to see The Desolation of Smaug and a lot of people burst out laughing when they saw the trailer, not a good sign when people are laughing at it. Who knows maybe the new remake could be good but I won’t see it unless it gets tons of good reviews.

Lost In Space (1998)

LostInSpacePosterAh yes, the film that’s well known for finally dethroning Titanic from the number 1 spot at the box office. The 90s were a period when many old TV shows were turned into big budget spectacle, Tim Burton’s Batman films, Mission: Impossible and The Fugitive were some good examples. New Line thought they have a winner and try to cash in on the trend by green lighting this very expensive space adventure. After a good looking trailer, I was excited to see this film even though I’ve never watched the old TV show. I saw it at the opening weekend and I actually asked the theater manager for my money back because I hated it so much; he didn’t give me back my cash. It was such a painful experience to sit through, from the lazy direction and script to the awful, even for its time, special effects.

The plot made no sense and I didn’t care for any of the characters, even the great Gary Oldman can’t save this stinking pile of turd. New Line thought the film was going to be a huge hit and if I remember correctly, the film sort of ended in a cliffhanger style. The studio thought they had a lucrative franchise in their hands. Thankfully it tanked at the box office and pretty much forgotten by most people throughout the years. The film also cost its director’s career, Stephen Hopkins was a up-and-comer director at the time and after he made this film, he’s been doing TV shows ever since.

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Those were some of the awful films I had to sit through, did you see any of them and do you agree with me? Feel free to list your own films that you thought were painful to sit through.

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49 thoughts on “In *honor* of Hollywood ‘dump months’ – 6 films that are excruciating to sit through

  1. Can’t disagree with a single entry! Seems like “dump months” extend through the summer. That is, one has to sit through 20 films before a worthy one merges. Ouch. I’m a Negative Nancy today!

    • Ha ha, I know what you mean Cindy. Summer season is also full of crappy films, heck two of them on my list were released in the summer season and made a ton of money, Bad Boys 2 and Transformers 3.

  2. While I agree that some major studio fare is generally pretty bad at this point, I still think there’s plenty to see by looking a bit deeper. VOD is a great source to check out smaller films during this time that slipped by up to this point. There are also 2014 films getting limited releases that are available at the same time through iTunes or Amazon Instant Video. I also expect there are some 2013 films that are worth catching up with since they’re still in the theaters.

    • Oh yeah, there are some good alternatives to see good movies this time of year. But seems like Hollywood loves to dump their high priced crappy films around this time of the year.

  3. Please do yourself a favor–see the original Rollerball. The difference in quality between it and its remake is about the same as the difference between the original Wicker Man and its remake.

    The biggest issue with the Rollerball remake is that it completely changes the entire point of the film.

    • I’m a big fan of 70s action films but somehow I never got a chance to see the original Rollerball. I’ll have to check it out.

  4. Woo Hoo! I feel unblemished! I haven’t say through any of these films. Thankfully I have been spared the misery!

    The dump months certainly offer up some crap. That said there are a few that come out that surprise. Strangely one of my most anticipated films of the year opens next week. I can’t wait for “The Monuments Men”. Such a tremendous true story told by a fantastic cast. My fingers are crossed.

      • Count yourself as the lucky one Keith, I don’t recommend you waste your time on any of those films.

        I’m curious about The Monuments Men, after it got moved from the prime holiday season, I wonder if the film didn’t lived up to the studio’s expectations. Hopefully it will be a good flick.

  5. You’re on a roll, Ted!

    Like most here, I can’t disagree with any of your choices. Still wondering :how?” and “why?” Adam Sandler continues to make films that hurt my intellect, sensibilities and aren’t funny to begin with?

    Would also add any film with Ben Stiller. Just because your parents were comedic icons (Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara). It by no stretch of the imagination means that you are!!!

    Martin Lawrence should never have strayed from television.

    ‘Transformers’: Translation. Michael Bay and Shia LaBeouf destroy Hollywood. And their careers!

    ‘Rollerball’ was specifically of its time and perspective of Mega Conglomerate sports of the future. Should never have been remade or messed with!

    Where exactly is the “action” in the God awful remake of ‘Godzilla’? If it ain’t a guy in a rubber suit laying waste to downtown Tokyo… It AIN’T Godzy!!!

    • Thanks Jack!

      I know that Sandler still has his royal fans but his last few films didn’t make that much at the box office, hopefully he’ll come to and start making a descent film like Punch Drunk Love again.

      I used to like Martin Lawrence but after Bad Boys 2, I couldn’t stand him anymore.

      Will have to check out the original Rollerball.

    • The last movie I saw Klien in was the latest American Pie movie, he’s awful actor with a pretty face. Hollywood tried to make him into a star but he just can’t act at all!

    • Yeah I hated the Godzilla remake so much, which is why I can’t get excited for the new remake coming out this summer.

  6. With the exception of “The Waterboy” which I did like as it was one of Adam Sandler’s earlier, funnier films. The rest of these films are absolutely atrocious. Especially the films of Michael Bay who is the worst filmmaker working today. I would rather jump off a cliff than watch any of his films.

    • I liked pretty all of Sander’s films until The Waterboy, it just wasn’t funny to me.

      Ha ha, I wouldn’t jump off a cliff but I refuse to waste my money or time on any of Bay’s films anymore. Transformers 3 was the last straw for me, I had hope that he could redeem himself but that man doesn’t care about making good movies. He’s like a 14 year old boy who gets 100mils of dollars to make films where he can blow a lot of shit up.

    • Ha ha, count yourself lucky for not having to sit through the rest of the films on the list. But yeah The Waterboy was atrocious, I pretty much stopped being a fan of Sandler after I saw that movie. But he sort of redeemed himself by starring in Punch Drunk Love, wish he’d done more films like that instead of the same stupid comedies he’d made the last several years.

  7. LOL, I haven’t seen Lost in Space in YEARS, but I actually saw that like 5 times in the theater I loved it so much. Granted, I was like 14, but I thought it was amazing.

    • Ha ha, well you know I used to love many films when I was 14 but when I got older, those films aren’t too great anymore. Although I still enjoy some of the crappy films starring the likes of Sly, Arnold, Van Damme, Norris and Seagal.

  8. Haha I haven’t seen any of these films. I dodged a few bullets, phew. Funny thing is there’s talk of a Bad Boys 3 and of course there’s another Transformers and Godzilla coming.

    • Well you’re luck for not having to sit through all those crappy movies. Yeah, Sony is gearing up for another Bad Boy movie, unfortunately. Hopefully both Bay and Smith won’t do it and the movie will never happen. Then again those two guys probably won’t turn down big money which I’m quite sure Sony will offer it to them.

  9. Ted I remember being “forced” to go see The Waterboy back in ’98. Ironically I only laughed once at this “comedy”. It was the now famous scene with Lawrence Taylor. This was right after he was busted for the very thing that he preaches against in the movie. I was the only one in the theater lmao. I had tears in my eyes. Too funny.

    • Ha ha, I totally forgot about that scene. But yeah that maybe the only scene that I cracked a smile in the entire movie.

  10. I do wonder about the three movies you mentioned earlier. I saw the trailer and totally will skip the movies even if they are being shown in TV.

    Godzilla is actually my guilty pleasure…it was disappointing because they totally changed Godzilla but sometimes when there was nothing good on TV, I ended up enjoying the movie.

    • I think that’s a wise idea, I don’t recommend you waste your time on those films, ha ha.

      Well we all have our guilty pleasure films, mine are the Chuck Norris’ and Steven Seagal’s old silly action movies. But to me the US remake of Godzilla was just a pain to sit through.

      • What do you think of the upcoming one? The trailer looks more promising that godzilla but I am still not quite sure whether to watch it or not. I want Godzilla to be like it is in Japan…a monster who helps.

        • The trailer of the new Godzilla looks good but again, that’s what I how I felt about the 1998 version. They showed a pretty teaser during the super bowl and I got super excited to see it. Unfortunately the actual movie was pretty awful.

          Hopefully this new one will be a much better film but I won’t get excited for it like the last one.

  11. Agree on Transformers – a terrible series of movies with the sequels being particularly excruciating to sit through. Lost In Space is another dud but I did find bits to enjoy in Godzilla despite it not living up to its potential (and seemingly wasting a lot of money in the process.)

    I do like The Waterboy and, indeed, when viewed alongside some of Adam Sandler’s recent work, it is the Citizen Kane of 1990s comedy.

    Of the films coming out in the next month or so, the RoboCop remake does interest me. The fact it is a remake (which I generally hate) and the fact it is arriving during these “dump months” hardly fills me with high expectations but maybe, just maybe, it’ll surprise a few people. As long as I keep my expectations low it can’t do any harm checking it out…

    • Ha ha, that’s true, compare The Waterboy to crap like Grown Ups it’s a much better movie.

      Yeah, I don’t have any expectations for the new RoboCop at all, if it’s bad then I already expected it to be.

  12. I remember disliking Lost in Space. There were just too many CGI effects in that movie, and the way the story was told just made me feel exhausted afterwards. Definitely a film I would avoid rewatching!
    A few years later the director did make The Life and Death of Peter Sellers-which I liked, so Stephen Hopkins does deserve a bit of praise :)

  13. Pingback: » Movie Review – Transformers: Dark Of The Moon Fernby Films

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