It’s only three years ago that Jurassic World: Dominion was released in 2022, so this reboot feels too soon and wholly unnecessary. Interesting that the film begins in a world where humans have become detached and jaded with dinosaurs. Early in the movie, a dying Brontosaurus is spotted in Manhattan traffic, seen more as a nuisance than an object of sympathy.

While dinosaurs are inherently fascinating, movies about them aren’t always so. Surely I’m not the only one tired of Hollywood’s constant money-grabbing schemes. Ironically, this movie touches on that, whether it means to or not, since the main character is motivated entirely by cash. Covert operation specialist Zora (Scarlett Johansson) agreed to collect dinosaur samples because pharmaceutical executive Martin (Rupert Friend) claims his company has ‘very deep pockets.’ Martin asserts that the samples are crucial for a groundbreaking drug that can stop coronary heart disease, but of course, it’s also a highly lucrative trillion-dollar industry. In the original 1993 film, the most famous line is ‘Life finds a way.’ Apparently, ‘greed finds all sorts of ways.’

In its exposition, we learn that 17 years prior, a massive containment breach forced an InGen lab, the bioengineering company responsible for cloning dinosaurs, to shut down. They claim to have hired the top scientists, but there’s always that one person dumb enough to carelessly toss a candy wrapper inside the lab that causes a system malfunction [face palm]. Just like in previous installments, everything that happens to most of the human characters is self-inflicted. They basically brought it upon themselves, as one character nonchalantly quips, ‘We’ve put ourselves in a place where we don’t belong… that’s kind of our specialty.’

Zora and Martin promptly convince paleontologist Dr. Henry Loomis (Jonathan Bailey) to hop on board the mission. At first, Loomis is hesitant, but he’s on the verge of losing his job at the Natural History Museum due to the declining interest in dinosaurs. Plus, the chance to see living prehistoric creatures in person instead of just the dead ones in the museum is way too tempting. So, they set off to Ile Saint-Hubert, a forbidden island in the Atlantic Ocean, on a boat owned by Duncan (Mahershala Ali), Zora’s mercenary buddy. There’s a rare moment of peace where Zora and Duncan look back on old times and past regrets, but it feels empty, as it’s a weak attempt at character development.

Jurassic World: Rebirth is directed by Gareth Edwards, who has a deep love for this franchise and has already done several monster films, notably the 2014 Godzilla. David Koepp was the original writer for the first Jurassic Park, so one expects this would be a slam dunk and bring the franchise back to the glory of the 90s version. I wish that were the case, but this movie lacks the gravitas and thrills of the original. Even compared to the sub-par Jurassic World movies, those movies at least have a memorable action set piece. There isn’t anything noteworthy in this one, apart from the river-raft scene involving a T-rex, simply because it’s a similar scene that got cut out from Jurassic Park because of budgetary and CGI concerns.

The movie introduces another group in addition to Zora’s team in the form of a family vacationing together on a boat. Reuben (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo), his two daughters Isabella (Audrina Miranda) and Teresa (Luna Blaise), plus Teresa’s deadbeat boyfriend Xavier (David Iacono), somehow got dragged into the perilous mission. Xavier initially comes off as annoying, but turns into a source of comic relief during the first half of the film, only to disappear in the second half. In the end, the family doesn’t really contribute much to the paper-thin storyline. There’s a captivating moment when Isabella makes friends with a baby Aquilops she named Dolores. I thought this would lead to something interesting, but unfortunately, it doesn’t go anywhere.

The main issue is that there’s no real tension or genuine scares. The scenes with the dinosaurs chomping (and honestly, the humans are just asking for it) feel pretty mild, even for PG-13, lacking the thrilling build-up that Steven Spielberg was so good at. Even little details, like the water cup in the car shaking during the tremor scene, were so suspenseful. Edwards paid homage to many of Spielberg’s scenes; even the moment with the kid stuck under the yellow raft reminds me of when the T-rex tries to munch on John Hammond’s grandkids when they get trapped in the jeep.

There are plenty of other nostalgic throwbacks to Jurassic Park, i.e., a banner that reads ‘When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth’ falling to the ground in the museum. Edwards even attempts to recapture the emotional experience of witnessing a living dinosaur for the first time… who could forget Alan Grant and Ellie Sattler’s awe when they see the brontosaurus while John Williams‘ legendary score builds up? Bailey puts in a solid effort to recreate that moment, even shedding tears as he reaches out to the brontosaurus’ massive legs, but it ends up being more funny than touching.

It’s not a dig about Bailey’s acting; he’s actually shown his range here playing a scientist with a heart of gold. Now, can’t say the same about Johansson, I just don’t buy her as a mercenary for even a millisecond. At least she wasn’t wearing high heels while running around, but still, she wasn’t believable in the role. She and Ali were the big names, but their performances were pretty underwhelming. It’s nice to see Friend in a major blockbuster, even if his character is just the typical greedy and arrogant villain who predictably gets his comeuppance in the end.

I didn’t realize Alexandre Desplat was the composer here, though all I remember music-wise is when Williams’ score came on. It’s one of my fave scores of all time, but I have to say the impact has been diluted quite a bit. When we first heard the music in that brontosaurus scene in 1993, I was in awe, just like the characters were. Now in its seventh go round, which leads to diminishing returns, I’ve become kind of indifferent to it, perhaps because the scene just doesn’t deserve such a glorious score.

Given it’s a dinosaur movie, the creatures are the main event. The special effects are top-notch, which is to be expected given its nearly $200 million budget. The T-rex chase is still fun to watch, it always makes me laugh seeing its tiny, useless hands. The scene at the Quetzalcoatlus nest, the biggest flying animal ever, is perhaps the most intense, while the Distortus rex scene in its finale isn’t terribly exciting. The only thing memorable is how ugly that thing is with its bulbous head resembling a beluga whale.

Overall, this movie isn’t exactly a ‘rebirth’, which implies something refreshingly positive. Instead, it’s more of a ’clone me again and again’ banality. I never thought the Jurassic World movies could sink lower than they already have. Turns out I was wrong.

Have you seen Jurassic World: Rebirth? I’d love to hear your thoughts!