When I think of soccer (well, football for those of you across the pond), I often think of it as a low-scoring game. That makes the world record score of 31-0 between Australia and American Samoa even more shocking… and humiliating for the people on the tiny South Pacific island. The American Samoa national football team remained at the bottom of FIFA’s World ranking for nearly a decade, that is until a talented but temperamental Dutch-American coach Thomas Rongen (Michael Fassbender) gets transferred to the island to be their coach.

There’s apparently a documentary of this story with the same title, alas it’s not available to watch in the States. It’s an incredible story worth telling so I can see the potential of the narrative feature version, especially with Taika Waititi attached. The New Zealander who’s half Māori returns to his roots with a smaller-budget movie and one that fits his mission of telling stories about Indigenous cultures. I absolutely love Waititi’s earlier movies What We Do In The Shadows and Hunt for the Wilder People, so naturally I have high hopes for this one.

The first thing you see in the movie is Waititi himself in a cameo role as a priest (as the majority of American Samoans identify with some form of Christianity). We’re then treated to a newsreel of that devastating match which made you go ‘ouch’ over and over again. Meanwhile, Rongen is facing a low point in his life when he’s practically fired by the U.S. Soccer Federation, and the only way he can save his job is for him to coach the American Samoan team. What’s worse is that he’s separated from his wife (Elisabeth Moss) who works in the Federation with her new beau (a woefully unfunny Will Arnett).

Once on the island, Rongen doesn’t bother to hide the fact that he doesn’t want to be there. Rongen is the anti-Ted Lasso with his short fuse and spiteful attitude, though his rudeness is often played for laughs. The contrast between Rongen and the soft-spoken previous coach Ace (David Fane) is amusing at first but feels more like an SNL skit the more it gets repeated. A lot of the jokes often feel forced, same with the [mis]use of pop songs like Dolly Parton’s classic hit 9 to 5 and the references to Karate Kid.

I’ve missed seeing Fassbender after a four-year acting hiatus, and he’s still immensely watchable in a role that seems rather ill-suited for him. Don’t get me wrong, I think Fassbender is a terrific actor but not sure Waititi’s brand of comedy is his jam. It doesn’t help that Rongen is written as a one-dimensional character and Waititi is saving the bit about Rogen’s painful revelation of his past until a particularly ‘convenient’ time, which comes across as disingenuous. I could almost see the machinations in Waititi’s head, attempting to flip the white savior trope on its head by making the white coach the one needing the saving.

At the same time, the focus is too much on Rongen instead of the American Samoan people who merely function to further his arc. It’s a bummer given there are chock full of interesting characters. There’s Tavita (Oscar Kightley), the head of the Football Federation of American Samoa (FFAS) who remains patient with Rongen despite his offensive behavior. I love Tavita’s fiery wife Ruth (the consistently hilarious Rachel House), new recruit cop-turned-footballer Rambo (Semu Filipo), goalkeeper Nicky Salapu (Uli Latukefu), and last but not least, Jaiyah Saelua (Kaimana), the first fa’afafine as in trans woman to compete in a FIFA World Cup qualifier. Kaimana deservedly gets the most screen time among the American Samoans, but again, her unique story seems inconsequential compared to Fassbender’s character journey.

Next Goal Wins has all the ingredients to be a profound and uplifting underdog sports story, but unfortunately, it never quite rises to that level. Waititi’s brand of zany, irreverent comedy hasn’t landed well lately, and it seems to be a mismatch for this story. Even his cameo as the priest isn’t all that funny. While there are parts that are entertaining, I think the American Samoan team deserves a better movie. Now if only there’s a way for me to just watch the documentary.

Have you seen NEXT GOAL WINS? Let me know what you think!

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