I’m Still Here (Ainda Estou Aqui) is a striking film that takes us back to one of Brazil’s darkest times in the 1970s: the military dictatorship. This painful chapter is filled with severe state violence, where any act of defiance can threaten both activists and their families. The film is particularly compelling as it’s told from the perspective of a loving family, the Paivas, living near Leblon Beach, an upscale safe haven in Rio de Janeiro. Most of the first act shows the Paiva children playing on the beach, the youngest child Marcelo finds a stray dog which the family adopts. It’s an idyllic existence of a privileged family, but there is a hint of darkness as beachgoers are often distracted by military vehicles driving by, a constant reminder of who’s in power.

A happy family life is an effective setup to get viewers invested in the key players. Rubens Paiva (Selton Mello), the former congressman forced to exile following a Brazilian coup d’état who’s now returned to civilian life. Rubens covertly collaborates with the resistance group, his home is always open to visitors, and we catch glimpses of him at various meetings. But Rubens always has time for his family; he and his wife Eunice (Fernanda Torres) and five children (and a live-in maid) paint a picture of a perfect family. Of course, the joyous moments are fleeting. One day, several policemen raid his home and take him away, never to be seen again.

This is the first narrative film from Brazilian director Walter Salles in 12 years after On the Road in 2012, based on Jack Kerouac’s novel. This time he tackles Marcelo Rubens Paiva’s autobiography, adapted by Murilo Hauser and Heitor Lorega and anchored wonderfully by Torres as the Paiva matriarch. This story could have easily turned into a military thriller, but Salles chooses to highlight the human side and the deep sense of loss felt by a grieving family. I appreciate that he avoids depicting the brutality of Rubens’ death. Salles relies on the sound design of people being tortured at the army barracks during the harrowing moments when Eunice was jailed and underwent brutal questioning.

Though I have lived under an authoritarian regime as Indonesia was ruled by a dictator for over 3 decades, my family was not in politics so I can’t imagine what the Paiva family went through. Eunice said that her family was under constant torture for not knowing what happened to Rubens, especially as the regime constantly throws out ‘fake news’ that her husband escaped, etc. Eunice is one of the most inspiring characters I’ve seen on screen this year. Her ability to bounce back is incredible; she dealt with unimaginable suffering but still managed to rise each day and keep fighting.

One of the toughest scenes to watch is when Eunice is left at home after her husband is taken, practically held captive by the police. Yet she remains courteous to them and stays calm for the sake of her kids. Torres’ performance embodies resilience and motherly love, juggling the challenges of raising her kids solo while returning to college to become a human rights lawyer.

The young cast delivers solid performances, but it’s Torres’ understated portrayal that really sticks with me. There’s a quiet dignity and inner strength that she displays throughout, her emotional moments never descend into melodrama. I love the moment Eunice and her kids pose for a newspaper shot. The kids still miss their dad who has been gone for some time, but she encourages them to smile. That smile is a form of defiance, a way for them to tell the world they won’t let this tragedy define them.

Despite the heartbreaking story, I’m Still Here isn’t a depressing film, as Salles peppers it with lighthearted and funny moments and fills it with a wonderful soundtrack that showcases Brazilian music. Salles’s direction also emphasizes the familial warmth during such a challenging ordeal. Even as Eunice becomes a successful attorney, there’s still a tender bond between her and her now-adult kids.

The film feels personal because it is, as Salles is apparently a family friend and has visited their home often. He pays homage to Paiva’s residence when the family is about to leave for a new city. The youngest daughter just sits there, staring blankly at their empty house. It’s a gut punch, especially since we’ve seen all the joy and love that made that house a home, now gone forever. It’s astonishing that this film was made on a teeny $1.5 million budget as it sure looks more expensive than that. I love the retro visual style, shot by Adrian Teijido in a deliberately nostalgic way. The vintage look takes me back to the days of Super 8 films; it is almost like watching a family video montage.

If I have one quibble the transition between the time periods doesn’t feel very seamless. It can be a bit confusing at times, but by no means derail the film. The focus is always on the family as the final scene shows an elder Eunice (now played by Fernanda Montenegro, Torres’ own mother) at a house party. It’s sad to see Eunice suffering from memory loss, but also heartwarming as the Paiva family still have a close bond as they’ve matured and have family on their own.

The film has understandably become a cultural phenomenon in Brazil, but I’m glad this cinema gem is also making a splash internationally. I’m glad I waited to finalize my top 10 list, as this one deserves a spot amongst the 10 best films of the year.

Have you seen I’m Still Here? I’d love to hear what you think!

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